Looking at the pictures of those baby girls just makes my heart hurt! I think back to when Ty was 5 months old- and then 7 months- and I just think- that seems like forever to get to know a baby and then have to say goodbye. Ughh. That just makes me want to bawl.
Everyday lately I have been looking at Ty and just thinking.... I SERIOUSLY COULD NOT LOVE ANYONE or ANTHING MORE THAN I LOVE THIS KID. To the point where I keep thinking, "I think my heart will burst if I love him just a little more. I don't even think it's possible."
I cannot believe how different it is to have your own child than I even expected. I loved my Kindergartners. Honestly- and I'm not even kidding- HONESTLY I would've died for them. Like if it ever meant protecting their lives and giving mine- DONE. But Ty... he could just need me to die- for no reason... and I'm gone. Like I'd chop of my right hand right now if it would make his life better.
Some days I just look at him and think "WHAT?! I grew him in my stomach? " Lol. Funny, I know. But geez... how can you get more attached? I just love that kid more than I love anything in the whole entire universe.
Someone awhile ago... I can't even remember where... was talking about how Abraham (oh, Jason talked about it in church. lol.) loved the Lord so much that he was willing to give up Isaac... and everything else he had to Him. I couldn't. Just thinking about it makes me want to cry. So many times I pray that I can just keep being Ty's mom on this Earth. I know I'd get to raise him later... and that we're sealed together forever... but I cannot even imagine not seeing his cute face everywhere I turn all day long, or tucking him into bed, or rocking him to sleep... or all of it. Ughhh. I just want to cry about it. There is NOTHING like being a mom.
Anyway, my heart goes out to any mom who has ever lost a baby... before or after they've met them... and to any mom who has ever lost a child. Ughh. Just sitting here bawling thinking about it. PLLLLLLease. Do not make that one of the trials I need to go through on this Earth.
2 comments:
I agree with you! I don't think I could endure the trial of losing a child. There is nothing more sad to me than that! I know they are in a better place than even here on earth with their mother who would love and care for them like no body else... but still. Too sad to think about.
you are such a great mother and Ty is the luckiest little boy. He is also seriously the cutest little boy ever! I can't get enough of these pictures. I wish there was more! He has gotten so big and I love his light hair!
You are a super crafty woman, I always knew that, but all your crafts are so adorable! I love the quiet time book, I just bought mine for lots of money. SO I look up to you for being able to make one so detailed. He will love it. Emrie still does!
You are so cute! It's funny as a mom you can relate, but even before I had Wade I had a fear of losing my parents or one of my siblings. I still do. I am always thinking that so many people have that trial of losing a parent or a family member so why not mine. So I pray for the same thing as you. Now my anxiety increased when I got married and again when I had a baby. My list of people that I can't bare to lose keeps getting longer and longer.
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